Written By: Sheena Murray

2021 has arrived!! We’ve made it this far – yes, we did it!!! It’s the start of a new year filled with opportunities for new beginnings, different approaches and perspectives; for achieving what we thought was unattainable, for being bold, stepping out in confidence and loving ourselves and others even more.  It’s the beginning of the Age of Aquarius and, perhaps, an opportunity for….new relationships??

As far back as I can remember, the meaning of love in intimate relationships has always stirred different interpretations and emotions among and within individuals.  For instance, for some, it means sacrificing their all for another; putting another’s needs above theirs; staying in the background doing all the work and allowing their “other half” to take the glory, to shine.  For others, it means standing on equal footing, being respectful and considerate of one another and moving forward and shining together.  There are also others who will abuse their partners into submission, into servitude – all in the name of love.  The famous writer Khalil Gibran in sharing his views on love in his masterpiece – “The Prophet” said:  “…..when love beckons to you, follow him though his ways are hard and steep and when his wings enfold you yield to him…….for even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.  Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning….”  Not to be outdone is, 1 Corinthians 13:4 which states, among other things, that:  “….love is patient, love is kind;  love is not jealous, or puffed up; love is not easily angered; love keeps no record of wrongs…”

During the earlier years of my “love” journey, I too, like many others I’m sure,   experienced a mixture of varying emotions and perspectives.  My emotions have ridden on the roller coaster of hills and valleys and have been powered by the green-eyed monster called jealousy and the voice inside my head called the ego, which taunted me to be upset about everything that was not going according to MY plan.   Interestingly though, throughout that turbulent ride, my mantra remained unshakable – “This too shall pass”.  Over time, I began to understand more clearly that love did not mean that I had to be in charge of everything; it did not mean that my spouse’s opinions had to mirror mine, nor did it mean that my spouse couldn’t have female friends.  It also didn’t mean that he should be a mind-reader and be able to know that I needed help with a project although I didn’t ask for his help.  Instead, love means, among other things, knowing when to work in the background to support my partner and to allow him to shine.  It means knowing when to step forward so that we can shine together.  Love also means knowing that my partner’s opinions are just as important as mine and that forgiveness, kindness, patience, thankfulness, compassion, communication and a sense of humour are critical ingredients for longevity in a relationship.

Loving unconditionally can be hard to sustain; however, with determination of purpose, focus and commitment it is attainable.  Embracing all that is going right and letting go of negative energies allows us the space to breathe and to be at peace.  It is also important to allow each other some “me” time for introspection and rejuvenation, as it is by doing so that our best selves usually emerge.  Love is a powerful emotion that can evoke joy as well as sadness.   As such, being mindful of our thoughts and our actions and how they influence our overall behaviour can go a faaaar way in determining the quality of our relationships.  Understanding that sometimes our partner’s actions toward us is not necessarily about us, but could be a projection of their inner turmoil, their uncertainties, their fears and their depleted self-love, can inform our response of knowing when to be still. There are times too, when we simply have to walk away!  I am not professing that I have all the answers pertaining to love; however, what I am sharing here has been working for me and the reward has been priceless!!

So I live, I love and I laugh because the power of writing my script about love, belongs to ME!!  You have that power too – EMBRACE IT!!