Guest Writer: Diana Sharpe

“But God, you just don’t understand. You don’t understand how they have hurt me!”

This is how I sometimes cry out to God in my weak humanity. In those moments when I feel like someone has offended or hurt me so badly, so bad that not even God understands. Can you imagine that? God who is Omniscient and Omnipotent, does not understand, a simple human concern. The very God who robed Himself in flesh and who walked the earth as fully human, could not possibly understand hurt, betrayal, loss, rejection, condemnation. Oh how wrong I was, Jesus not only knew, He had experienced every temptation and is able to empathize with the afflictions of men, yet He had no sin of His own (Hebrews 4:15). 

As we close the curtains on an old year and skillfully try to take a peek at what lies ahead, many are busy creating and writing New Year resolutions, annual goals and plans, wish lists, visions and missions and unfortunately some are writing-off a long list of people they just can’t or won’t forgive because the hurt and pain is too deep. I am not suggesting that we carry on with friendships and relationships that no longer serve us, what I am suggesting is that we do not carry the weight of unforgiveness with us.  God doesn’t expect or even require that we maintain the friendship, what he requires of us is that we forgive wholly, completely, sincerely, and as often as is required (Matthew 18:21-22).

The Latin word for forgive is “perdonare” which means “to give completely without reservation,” “to give up,” “to allow,” “to pardon for an offense,” “renounce anger at.”  I especially like the last two meanings, since both suggests that you may have a “right” or “claim” to be justifiably angry, resentful or hurt, but by the grace of God, you have given up that right and have extended to offender, the mercy and forgiveness, we ourselves often need from God and others. Forgiveness therefore is an act of obedience and submission to God’s will, it is about examining the posture of our heart and yielding to God’s way. Matthew 6:15 states it nicely, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” It is as simple as that. Another scripture also states that if we cherish sin in our hearts, God can’t hear our prayers (Psalm 66:18-19; Mark 11:25).  When we choose to forgive, we acknowledge that the person has hurt us, but we also affirm that our relationship with God and obedience to his word is far more important that giving in to our stubborn will.

Many of us struggle to forgive others because we also struggle to forgive our self of mistakes, blunders and even intentional acts of unkindness. It is time that we practise greater self-forgiveness and extend more grace to ourselves. When we accepted Christ, he forgave all our sins and threw them in the sea of forgetfulness, you do not have to walk around feeling guilty and condemned. Lay that weight aside, so you can live abundantly and peacefully.

“I want to forgive her/him God, but God, you just don’t understand! She talked about me, she lied on me, he despitefully used me, he molested me, he abandoned me….”

His word says, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me, (2 Corinthians 12:9).” In Christ and through the power of Christ by His spirit, forgiveness becomes easier each day and with each offence, since we are relying on His strength and not ours.

How can you truly forgive someone who has hurt you?

1. Talk to God in prayer about the pain you feel.
2. Acknowledge that the person has hurt you, but you have the power to determine if you will hurt them, yourself and your relationship with God in the process.
3. Examine your own actions in what has happened (please note this does not apply to all circumstances, there is nothing you could have done to deserve abuse of any kind).
4. Understand that it is perfectly understandable for you to struggle with forgiving the person. The human side of us, does not always comprehend the things of God and often keeps us bound long after God has freed us and others. Let it go!
5. Recognize that forgiveness is for YOU and not them.
6. Recognize that the act of forgiveness frees you from the need to relive the pain constantly, the urge for resentment, retaliation, anger, bitterness and wrath.
7. Recognize that forgiveness is the cornerstone of your relationship with God. He has graciously forgiven us of our sins, it is only right that we do the same for others.
8. Recognize that you do not have the power to control the person’s response to your act of forgiveness. It is best that you forgive freely as Christ forgives without expectation.
9. Learn the lesson(s) and move on with grace.
10. Make a decision to forgive. Forgiveness is an intentional decision to let go of the pain and hurt. It is important that as your extend forgiveness to the offender you focus on your own healing and spiritual growth and not the pain nor the person who has hurt you.
11. Guard your heart, mind and spirit against conflict, pain (self-inflicted and otherwise), trauma and bitterness by releasing the hurt. Grow pass your pain, grow pass your past, stop revisiting old graves and wounds. Beloved I encourage you, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

“Forgiveness is like a brook that flows through every area of our life and washes away the feelings of malice, hurt, pain, trauma and resentment. But we have to open our hearts, sometimes even allow our eye ducts to well up and flow, and finally extend to someone the grace, mercy and forgiveness that we so badly need from God.” – Diana Sharpe

Until next time, be kind to yourself and others. Ohhhh and the next time you have a “But God” moment remember it’s more about your relationship with God, than how you temporarily feel.

Forgive, you will be happy you did!